Wednesday, April 01, 2009

A few rumors

Just thought I'd post a few tidbits that I've been hearing lately.

In response to criticism about tearing down entire neighborhoods for parking, St. Ambrose has said that it will stop tearing down surrounding blocks for surface parking. Their new plan is to tear down dorms and classrooms, and then replace them with parking lots.

Niky Bowles has been working on her next housing project. While her previous project, Villa D'Este, was lauded by some as "the best project every built in Davenport," it has been somewhat less successful than imagined. She believes that the entrance was not ornate enough to attract residents, and plans for her next condo development's gateway to include real mermaids.

Mark Nelson has decided to retire as a real estate appraiser, and instead open a store selling buggy whips, phone book holders, roller skate keys, GM stock, and 8-track tapes. He believes that he has a good feel for what is up-and-coming and popular in the modern world. It was this knowledge that allowed him to make such an accurate portrayal of the health of downtown Davenport.

St. Paul Lutheran Church in Davenport is considering adding a cover charge for attending service. The revenue from this would be used to both tear down additional historic buildings, and also to gold-plate their existing church building. During their biblical research they've discovered that Jesus actually prefered hanging out with rich people after all.

The River Cities' Reader will be issuing a special "All Conspiracy Issue" finally tying up the loose ends of how the City of Davenport uses giant thumbtacks, LED lights, and federal stimulus money to secretly take control of a certain local daily newspaper's employees' minds. In an industry first, the issue will be printed entirely on tin foil.

*As previously stated, these are just rumors and I cannot vouch for them. The fact that I heard them last month from a rather short gentleman wearing a green hat, and the fact that today is April 1st, may or may not affect the accuracy of these rumors.


Anonymous said...

You forgot to add QCI starts to pay property taxes like the rest of us because he got a promotion to Nightwatchmen II.

Anonymous said...

Ha! "In an industry first, the (Reader's)issue will be printed entirely on tin foil.

Priceless. Absolutely priceless. I just cracked up reading that whole post. Thanks for the April Fools day laugh.

Anonymous said...

GM stock? Why bother selling it? We already own it.

I liked the tin foil bit. Perfect for making the hats afterwards.

Anonymous said...

We can only hope that you are a better Per Mar guard than you are a commedian. And that's no joke.

Anonymous said...

Chris, why dont you do something intelligent like wrapping your head in shrink wrap.

QuadCityImages said...

10:26, 5:20, and 5:30, you should be out celebrating your big day rather than reading a blog you don't even like and pretending you know anything about me.

Anonymous said...

Alot of people don't think your blog sucks.



Anonymous said...

Are you being seriously sarcastic with the saint ambrose thing? I used to work at the olde smokehouse. Its called a ramp and it solves the problem. yes its more expensive but its the responsible option.

QuadCityImages said...

My point was that St. Ambrose seems to be more concerned with surface parking than their neighborhood.

Anonymous said...

Conservative Demo here:
Good ones my friend. Can't imagine tho how you managed to miss the story of Joe Whitty actually selling a couple of properties.

Snarky Chick said...

Thanks so much, those were excellent!